This is a story about a boy's life. Crap & maybe even uninteresting to most of u I believe, because this boy was only a nobody. Insignificant and rather dull to listen to. But what this boy had ever wanted was to have someone to notice his existence. He's been trying hard to understand things, but it aint enough. Not even he could not interpret things around him, he could not even understand himself well enough. If you would care to listen to him, what are his feelings. All his life, he had been brought up to live a righteous life, a follower of Jesus Christ. He knew almost every biblical stories and even characters. Who is Moses, ministry of Jesus, and more. And, being the eldest of the family, he had been trying to live up to expectations. But somehow, he is just so lost, and confused. His life is like an unsolved puzzle. As he grew older, he started to question things. God showed him miracles, grateful and humbled he was. But sometimes, he just fell in his walk with God. As is often heard, everybody sins, no one is perfect. But this boy is stubborn and he could hardly forgive himself for the wrongs he did. He had been trying to figure out, why God allows temptation, why there is sadness, why there is pain, why humans feel. But there is a bigger "why?" he had tried to answer, he could not understand why he tends to think a lot, should we call him a "great thinker"? Maybe pessimistic is just the word to describe him. He was very emotional, too.
The boy used to have a younger brother, David. Full of life and energy, playful, and sunny. I supposed all the kids of below 5 years old of age are like this. Lol. There was once, the kids' parents were away. They were left to be taken care by their aunt. Back then, "Pink Panther" was the show that steals the kids' soul. This boy was just as ordinary as other kids, he likes Pink Panther too. Pink Panther was the great magician that capture attentions. The boy could hardly take note of his younger David when the show starts. All the boy could remember at his 5-year old age was that, David was a naughty brother that disturbed him when he was watching "Pink Panther". David asked for food and complained that he was hungry. But the boy just could not care less, because Pink Panther was there! Yeappy! And he left his younger brother to keep annoying and scouting out for food all by himself. David was a smart boy scout, he climbed up chair to look for food. Even smarter and cuter than squirrel that was in search of walnuts. Aunt Liann came to ask if the boy had saw his younger brother, and unwillingly the boy seek for his younger brother to please his aunt, it was an act out of guilt too. So, he found his brother David. Now, David was acting kind of strange and kept complaining about abdominal ache. But kids weren't taught about diagnostic analysis to explain the cause of pain. Because, they just do not care. However, the pain persisted even till night and was detering, so Aunt Liann made a few calls to inform the parents. The Parents quickly sent David for checkup. The time passed kind of quick, or it was all that the boy could remember at his young age. Or, maybe this was just like an example of selective memory lost that the boy could do to excuse himself and the thereafter happening. The boy could only remember how David cried of the pain in the craddle, the weepings of the parents and relatives that night. David passed away to join the angels in heaven. The ignorant boy could only understand that the cause of death of David was eaten too much food. Funny isn't it? Until now the boy still feel blur and funny of the way his brother died. He wanted to laugh, but those laughters came with excruciating and agonizing sorrows deep down inside his heart. If only he had watched over his brother, or just to care more about his brother. Although people excused him for his ignorance, because they thought he was just a kid and things happened in accordance to how God wanted things to be. In fact, it wasn't even the boy's fault, for he was just a kid. But this guilt grew up with the boy, to be a big fig tree that had shadowed him for so many years. Living under the shade of shame. He would felt much relieved by blaming himself for David's death. He needs the pain to remind him that he's alive.
The boy had grown up. But all this while, he has been trying to fill up the emptiness of his heart. Seeking for the answer to live, living to leave a proof that he had existed.
Jh Timothy
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